Why affairs are wrong

Extramarital affairs are talked about only in hushed tones in our society. Adultery, obviously, is frowned upon. Truth be told, an extramarital affairs can be taxing. There can be numerous reasons as to why a person would end up cheating on their spouse. According to Dr Rahul Khemani, a renowned psychiatrist at Wockhardt Hospital, Mumbai, adultery has existed since marriage has existed. In addition, he says we need to be aware of the fact that infidelity is not always a symptom of a bad marriage.

One cannot necessarily correlate it with marital dysfunction. Sometimes, it is insecure attachment, conflict avoidance, prolonged lack of sex, loneliness, and years of monotony and repetitive arguments that can lead to adultery. There are, of course, those who cheat because they can. Paradoxically, these factors actually fuel the affairs and make it difficult to get out. One might be happy with their lover but the guilt of hurting their spouse is troubling.

Your children will be hurt. No matter how you look at it, having an affair is setting a bad example for your children. Discovery of your affair could lead to divorce. But for the ones it does, these divorces are generally more combative , bitter and drawn-out because of the emotions at play when the couple tries to negotiate a settlement.

If your infidelity ended your marriage, you could choose to lie for the rest of your life. All this does is prolong the sense of guilt, humiliation and shame of your affair.

On the other hand, you could choose to tell the truth. Neither option is very appealing. The good thing about being tempted to cheat on your spouse is that it gives you the opportunity to address the elephant in the room — your marriage either needs to be fixed or dissolved. Instead of immediately succumbing to the attraction you feel for the other person, screw up your courage and address your marriage first.

Karen Finn, a divorce coach and advisor helping people just like you who want support in dealing with the pain of affairs and miserable marriages. You can join my newsletter list for free weekly advice. There are no words to adequately describe the shock and pain of betrayal. It shakes the foundation of not only your relationship, but of your reality — all….

Are you married and having an affair? Do you find yourself, to your surprise, continuing to stray from your marriage? When you're in the throes of an affair, you might feel like you're drowning. You know this is the wrong thing to do, but you want to ignore all the reasons why affairs are bad. The highs of being with your affair partner are amazing, but the lows that follow can be all-consuming. Nevertheless, you need to take a good hard look at the choices you're making, for the present and the future!

It feels like you finally have a chance at the happiness that has been out of reach for so long. They usually start with two people talking about mundane things.

Before you know it, you feel very attached to your affair partner and are having an emotional affair. More often than not, that attachment becomes sexual in nature and the physical affair begins.

And you're sure that you've finally found your soulmate and that you are totally justified in having this affair. But this, I'm afraid, is just an illusion. What you're feeling right now is that initial excitement that everyone feels at the beginning of any relationship. That period of time when you stay up all night talking, every day feels brighter, and the sex has never been better. Over the course of a relationship, that initial excitement transitions into a more comfortable attachment, one that leads to a committed relationship.

With people who are having an affair, that transition never happens because there's no committed relationship, just two people who are meeting clandestinely, having a relationship outside of marriage. So, understand that while you think you're soulmates, you're really two people who have an intense emotional and chemical attraction, whose time together is always exciting because it's an affair! The families spent a lot of time together and, before the affair, that time was healthy. The families started spending less time together and the children suffered because of it.

Another client who was in the same situation and they were caught.